Snark Attack

A MISSED STALKING OPPORTUNITY
Why, God, why didn't anyone tell me Seth Rogen was in town? If Clive Owen is that guy that I would have a mad, passionate, steamy love affair with, Seth Rogen is that guy I would marry. He actually reminds me of my husband. Only more famous. And with way more money.
And he's Canadian. I love Canadians!! I'm not going to do the "eh" joke. That's even further beneath me than di"stink"tion.

Ain't he cute as a button, ya'll? I swear on my iPod Mr. Pitsberger has that exact same hair.

TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE!!!
If the movie industry in Hollywood ever decides to sink lower than it already has and green light a live action Beavis and Butthead "film," they will totally have the Beavis role cast:

Butthead is probably snorting coke off a hooker's ass at this very moment.

LIKE, HELLO!
Apparently, 1 in 4 teenage girls has an STD and everyone is all surprised about it.
"This is pretty shocking," said Dr. Elizabeth Alderman, an adolescent medicine specialist at Montefiore Medical Center's Children's Hospital in New York.
"Those numbers are certainly alarming," said sex education expert Nora Gelperin, who works with a teen-written Web site called sexetc.org
Uh, have they seen the way teenage girls dress now? If I had walked out of the house in an outfit that showed my ass and every other lady part I have, my father would have chased me down and made me change into something that didn't look like it came out of the back of a hooker's closet. And if he couldn't catch me, you can bet your ass he'd be waiting when I got back.
I completely understand preaching abstinence first, but abstinence ONLY? That's like sending soldiers into battle and telling them, "Ok. We don't want you to shoot anybody, so we're not going to show you how to use a gun. Hope you don't get killed. Good luck and Godspeed." Are you kidding me?
Oh, and here's a newflash to parents: it's not the schools' responsibility to teach your kids about sex. It's yours. Kids are going to do what they want regardless of what you want for them. The most you can do is teach them to make good decisions.
And that's why my womb is on LOCK-DOWN.