Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Screw Tahiti!!

Since the weather was so great a few days ago, I decided that I should start planning my next vacation. I'm not one of those beachy people. I love the ocean, but I HATE, HATE, HATE the sand. Butt cracks and va-jay-jays are not meant be exfoliated. Not ever. Also, German Irish + sun = bad news. When I go on vacation I like to visit museums and Halls of Fame and The World's Biggest Ball of Yarn. I started doing some research and I found quite a few places that I am interested in visiting in the near future.

1. The National Freshwater Fishing Hall of Fame - Hayward, WI
If I was driving around Hayward, WI and I came up on that humongous muskie unawares, I would probably piss my pants. And if that didn't do it, the Bigfoot dummies inside most certainly would.
Reminds me of my Grandpa Amos.
You will also see "a memorial exhibit to Herman the Worm, a sickly Canadian night crawler that was nursed back to health by a freshwater fisherman and eventually made a guest appearance on The Tonight Show." I swear on my future children I didn't make that last part up. PETA is going to be all over my ass for this, but why the hell would a fisherman NURSE A NIGHTCRAWLER BACK TO HEALTH?? More importantly, how do you go about doing so?

2. William P. Didusch Center for Urologic History - Baltimore, MD

What a good time this is gonna be. Who hasn't wondered about the history of urology? I certainly have. In fact, I've spent many a free hour contemplating exactly what type of instruments are utilized when poking in and around someone's pee hole and how the instruments and procedures used today differ from those used during the Civil War. When I get back from the Urologic History Museum, I'm fully expecting to have a more restful night's sleep. Plus a lot more free time.

Here's a quote from curator Rainer M. Engel, who was born in 1933 Germany. "My early years were heavily influenced by World War II—bombings, troops marching through our city and bodies in the street—which left an indelible impression on me." Ya THINK?!! Unfortunately, that impression was, "I think I'd like to make a career out of poking in and around peoples' pee holes."

On a side note, that picture makes me want to curl into a fetal position and cry.

3. The World's Only Double Decker Outhouse and America's Only Two Story Outhouse

I know that title makes no sense, but it does. Let me explain. There are several towns that are actually fighting for the title of the "only" double decker outhouse and the di"stink"tion that comes with it. Ok, that was beneath me. But I thought it was funny anyway.
"The Booger Hollow Trading Post, along Scenic 7 Byway, in Dover, Arkansas, proudly" lays claim to the World's Only Double Decker Outhouse. Do I even need to make a joke here? This isn't even a challenge.
I can only imagine that a double decker/two story outhouse must be twice as disgusting and smelly as a single story one.
This is the Samuel Bowler house in Belle Plaine, MN. And that structure to the left of it is a two story outhouse. What's cool about this outhouse is that not only does it "boast" five holes, there's a skyway that allows access from the upstairs. Did I just say something was "cool" about an outhouse? I have got to stop putting Jameson on my frosted mini wheats. Tours are conducted of the house so you can check it out. And there will be plenty more where this came from.

Ok, boys and girls, can you say "road trip?" I call shot gun!!

1 comment:

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I am strangely appalled and yet attracked to each of those places. I think I need slapped.