That thong, th-thong, thong, thong

Because my spouse and I do not have cable, we headed to Primanti's last night to enjoy some fine dining and watch the Pens game. Side note: the Pens kick ass. We were placing our food order with our waitress and Mr. Pitsberger requested the following: "I'll have the Colossal Fish sandwich with onions instead of cole slaw." The waitress, horrified, replied in a thick Pghese accent, "You don't want no slaw?"


And another email from BFF of Mrs. Pitsberger: (I'm lazy today, leave me alone)
"So, as I told you on the phone, I went to Wal-mart today to get my tire fixed. No big deal. I went in and told them my problem and walked around the store for 45 minutes. They called my name and I went back to pick up my car. I paid and went out and got into my car. All pretty standard stuff. Well you remember when I told you last year that when I went to Wal-mart to get my car fixed and in the last minute frantic cleaning of my car in the parking lot(aka jamming stuff under the front seat so the grease monkies don't think I'm living out of my car); I found a thong and stuck it in my purse and it fell out in the middle of the store. Well, this time I decided to clean out my car before I actually made it to the store. Guess what I found in the console (aka my banking recordkeeping spot). That same thong. I'd never taken it out. I immediately determined that that thong was going to make it into the house. So as not to forget it I displayed it prominently wrapped around the gearshift by a strap and laying spread out onto the passenger seat. Now guess where it was when I got back into my car after getting my tire changed. Yep, you guessed right. Prominently displayed wrapped around my gearshift and spread ever so nicely on my passenger seat. I'm going to burn that thong."

I should tell you about my BFF. She's the awesomest. And yes, she does stupid shit like this all the time. And so do I. That's why we're hetero-soulmates.

I finally got a lap top. I'm a blogger, right, and every blogger should have a lap top. I even got the cutest ever cherry print bag for it. Not that I will ever have a reason to leave the house with my lap top, but that bag is cute as hell. Of course, I have wireless internet access. I LOVE my lap top. If it had a dick, I would fuck it. That's how much I love my lap top. I need a name for him. Finally! An excuse to use Pittgirl's random name generator!

And is this not the best thing ever?

Quote of the Day

Mr. Pitsberger and I have been arguing about the placement of his insanely huge grill on our smallish back porch. I suggested we move it to the open side with the steps, where it is still covered by the roof, so we have the larger side for a table and chairs. He disagrees. He doesn't want it to get "splashed by the rain." I sighed and rolled my eyes at this statement.

So he said, "I know you're used to getting your own way and having things the way you like them. Every once in a while you run into the brick wall that is the husband. Then you turn him to jelly with pussy and guilt trips."

Things that Must Be Shared

This is how cool my job is.
We are in the process of changing some of our California and New York products out for other California and New York products. These particular products are sold mostly by our outside sales representatives, so I typed up a letter explaining the product change. That's not the cool part.
The following is an actual email exchange between myself and the vice president of the company I work for:

Vice Prez - Please print a copy of each letter for all changes. I will put them in the correct reps mail box so they also know we're trying to make this as painless as possible
Mrs. Pitsberger - The California reps already got them. I will print two New York copies for [name redacted] and [name redacted].
VP - Thanks, you're efficient!
MP - That's why you pay me the big bucks.
VP - Don't tell anyone.
MP - It'll be our little secret. But they might figure it out when they see my Maserati.
VP - HAHA!!
I don't know many other people who have exchanges like that with their bosses.


Mr. Pitsberger suggested a quote of the day feature here on "Listen to This." That might work if I blogged everyday, which I don't. I'm sure you're madly disappointed by that. However, I really like the idea. So, here's the first quote of the "day"...

Mrs. Pitsberger, to Mr. Pitsberger, during a discussion about my 56-year-old next door neighbor who told me that the last time she had sex I was still in diapers - "She's always in an awfully good mood for someone who hasn't had dick in 27 years."


And the quote from my "the Office" calendar for today is worth sharing - "I never smile if I can help it. Showing your teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life."
- Dwight Schrute



I have to share this email that I got from my BFF earlier this week.
BFF - "I know that you get the hiccups quite a bit. Just wanted to let you know that one medically acceptable treatment for hiccups is "digital rectal massage". It's a win/win."
I wrote back: "Mr. Pitsberger will be happy to hear that. Just a question. Does the digital rectal massage have to come as a surprise?"
Her response: "Excellent question. Personally, I would always find digital rectal massage a surprise."
We're kinda retarded. It's what brings us together and tears us apart.